We get so focused on the gains in this life, don’t we?
More friends, more experiences, more money, more success, more stuff, more square footage—more, more, more.
We spend our lives striving, achieving, and collecting, and then we display it all proudly for everyone to see, because we believe the more we have, the more worthy we are, and the happier we’ll become.
Oftentimes, this striving for more actually costs us ourselves.
That’s because our desire for more is deeply rooted in capitalist values that tell us we’ll be happy “when.” When we get the latest gadget, use the latest face cream, or invest in the latest fashion trends. It tells us to sign up for courses and collect endless piles of books, all so that we can love ourselves more. It creates a social and cultural landscape that “rewards” those with more and shames those with less, as if the system itself isn’t designed to keep most people without.
And while there are certainly times when acquiring and investing are essential for healing and growth, when you’re feeling lost in life and wondering how to go about finding yourself again, sometimes the work actually begins with letting go.
Letting go while finding yourself again is an art form.
One that few are well-versed in.
It makes sense because our identity gets wrapped up in the roles we play and the “status” we’re told the things we’ve acquired give us. Even if we’re deeply unhappy with our lives, feeling far from the truth of who we are and the work we’re here to do, our subconscious mind throws a fit if we try to step away from the very things that are causing us grief.
That’s because the job, relationships, roles, salary, and endless assets make us feel safe, secure, successful, loved, and like we belong on some level. The most important job this part of our brain has is to keep us safe and alive, and it does that by keeping us aligned with what it knows we can survive, even if those things are detrimental to our well-being.
Capitalism and our subconscious mind create a conundrum.
The world is telling us what we “need” to thrive, and the systems we interact with from the moment we’re born are designed to strip us of who we uniquely are. Our subconscious mind receives all of these messages before our conscious mind can accept or reject them, conditioning us to pursue what the world says will keep us safe and successful. As the years go by, this conditioning deepens, and we continue working to “win” at life in the ways we’re told we need to.
But rather than becoming happier, healthier, and freer, our bodies begin to break down. We start experiencing burnout, anxiety, and depression. We feel a deep grief around nothing in particular, and the things that used to bring us joy feel hollow.
Worse yet, we feel like we’ve been sleepwalking through life, and even if we have all the things, titles, and accomplishments that promised fulfilment, we’re left wondering if this is all there is to life.
The answer is no, this isn’t all there is to life.
In fact, it’s possible to use these periods of feeling lost and disoriented to realign ourselves with our true purpose in life, being who we’re here to be, and contributing to the world in the way that only we can. But in order to do this, we have to be willing to navigate the discomfort of letting go.
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Here are six real-life experiences with advice on letting go when you’re doing the work of finding yourself again.
1. Clear out anything that doesn’t support you.
I’ve been knocked off track more times than I like to admit. The cost showed up in small ways, like losing confidence in my own decisions, feeling drained even on good days, and spending years doing work that looked right but felt heavy. I tried cooking, business, fitness, and different paths that made sense on paper. Each time something stopped fitting, I pushed harder. I thought resistance meant I was close. In hindsight, it was just misalignment.
The shift came the day I stopped forcing it. No epiphany; just a tired decision to stop pretending. I began paying attention to patterns instead of outcomes. What drained me, what held my curiosity without effort, and what I kept thinking about even when no one was watching. Brand strategy stayed because it didn’t ask for justification. The thinking felt natural, the days felt lighter, and decisions got cleaner. My advice to anyone in that fog is simple: notice what’s costing you energy, then notice what gives it back. Purpose often shows up as relief.
Sahil Gandhi
Brand Strategist at Brand Professor
www.brand-professor.com
2. Figure out what you truly want.
I’ve been knocked off my track a few times, but the last time was in 2025. I entered that year hating my job and my life. My health was also slowly failing me. I ended up retriggering my chronic illness, and it was the beginning of changing everything.
I had to go on disability, and I immediately hired a coach to help me mentally and a doctor to help me physically. I quit drinking, ate healthy, exercised as much as I could, took care of my home, and started setting healthy boundaries between others and, most importantly, myself.
I knew I needed to eliminate anything that wasn’t supporting me. I knew I needed to figure out what I truly wanted, and I knew I had to start standing up for myself by consistently showing up for myself. A year later, and I’m building a career that I love. My health has vastly improved, and I’m excited about my future. My advice is to clear out anything that doesn’t support you and to set clear boundaries, so you stay on track.
Alison Kero
Home Organizational Coach at From Clutter to Confidence
www.fromcluttertoconfidence.com
3. Slow down to start hearing yourself again.
For me, finding myself again after feeling lost started with giving myself permission to stop performing and start listening. After leaving a 25-year career in hospitality and events, I realised how much of my identity had been built around external validation, busyness, and survival mode. Becoming a single mother amplified that disorientation. I wasn’t just questioning my career; I was questioning who I was beneath the roles I’d played for so long.
The number one thing that helped me reconnect with myself was slowing down enough to hear my own voice again. That meant creating space for reflection, doing the inner work around beliefs and self-worth, and making decisions based on alignment rather than fear. Purpose emerged through small, honest choices that honoured my energy, values, and capacity.
My advice to anyone feeling lost is this: You don’t need to find a new version of yourself; you need to return to the truth of who you already are. Start by asking what no longer fits, be willing to let go, and trust that clarity comes from action taken with self-trust, not from waiting to feel ready.
Sasha Eburne
CEO & Founder of Sasha Eburne Coaching and Mentoring
www.sashaeburne.com
4. Identify the parts of yourself that survived the crisis.
During the 2008 financial crisis, I made costly mistakes by diversifying into unfamiliar investment areas, straying from my core expertise. What brought me back on track was applying the same principle I teach my clients: recovery starts with focusing on what’s recoverable, not what’s lost.
In data recovery, we don’t waste time lamenting corrupted sectors; we identify intact data fragments and rebuild systematically from there. I applied this to my business, abandoning failed ventures and doubling down on the one domain where I had deep expertise: data recovery software.
My advice is to identify your “intact sectors,” the skills, knowledge, and passions that survived your crisis. Don’t let ego or external pressure guide your rebuild. The I Ching teaches that cycles of decline naturally precede renewal, but only if you align with your true competencies rather than chase shortcuts in unfamiliar territory. Mastering one domain deeply serves more people than spreading yourself thin across many.
Chongwei Chen
President & CEO at DataNumen
www.datanumen.com
5. Try something new and see where it takes you.
My life took me down a path I never thought possible. After receiving my BFA in photography from Montclair State University, I began my first job as a photo editor for a local photographer. I was laid off from that job and quickly learned that people are expendable within the workforce. After that, I went from one dead-end job to another until one day, sitting in rush-hour traffic, I thought, “There has to be more to life than this.” At one point, I got fed up and wanted to start my own photography business. The whole time, I felt friction between landing clients and competing with the shoot-and-burn photographers who ruined that industry. Then, in 2019, my aunt and grandma were diagnosed with cancer. During this difficult time, I began painting. I made an entire 3D series of paintings. From there, I invested in a color theory course.
Today, my work has been shown in galleries across the U.S. and Greece. I have collaborated with [a major brand] to create a mural for their blackboard. I’ve been actively building this business of murals, fine art, and hosting paint-and-sips. I feel so much less friction. I will never forget the day I was talking to my grandma on the phone, when she said, “Maybe you’re not meant to be on this path, maybe you’re meant to be on a different path.” I guess she was right, I am meant to be a painter, not a photographer. When life gets disorienting, try something new; you never know what path it may lead you on.
Brianne Valentino
Muralist and Abstract Painter
www.briannevalentino.com
6. Create enough room to hear yourself again.
Getting knocked off track didn’t come with clarity. It came with a lot of quiet and a very uncomfortable sense of being lost. What helped most was resisting the urge to immediately fix that feeling, even though that went against everything I was conditioned to do. I came from a fast-paced corporate environment, and as the daughter of immigrant parents, productivity and forward motion were always tied to worth. Resting in the unknown felt irresponsible at first. Instead of rushing toward the next thing, I gave myself permission to stay there longer than felt productive. I kept showing up for the ordinary parts of life. Walking alone, folding laundry, doing small, repetitive tasks that don’t demand much executive effort. Those moments created space. Without pressure or performance, my mind wandered to questions that mattered. What actually energizes me? What drains me? What kind of life do I want this next chapter to support?
Purpose didn’t arrive fully formed or announced. It took shape through daily rhythms. The reflective thinking that happens during simple tasks helped me reconnect with myself in a way that striving never did. Over time, patterns became obvious. What I was naturally drawn to. What felt meaningful. What aligned with how I wanted to live, not just work.
My advice to anyone in that disorienting in-between space is this: don’t underestimate the power of slowing down and tending to the everyday. Especially when not producing feels uncomfortable. You don’t find purpose by chasing it harder. You find it by creating enough room to hear yourself again.
AnnMarie Zezima
Founder & CEO of Organized A to Z Inc
www.getorganizedatoz.com
If letting go while finding yourself again feels challenging, you’re not alone.
Letting go and leaning into what’s next is rarely without grief or growing pains. But when we build our trust muscles and our ability to come home to ourselves again and again, we learn to deconstruct and realign ourselves more quickly. It’s not easy work, but it’s always worth it.
Don’t be afraid to let go and lean into what’s next, even when “what’s next” is wildly unclear and uncertain. Every ending is a new beginning, every breakdown is an opportunity to break open, and every redirection is a chance to open to entirely new possibilities.
Are you ready to do the work of finding yourself again?
Here are two options to get started:
Read our in-depth guide on finding yourself:
This free in-depth article walks you through the process, with 34 questions to spark the journey home to yourself.
Read our book on finding your purpose in life!
Explore the deeper truths within your soul, realign yourself with who you’re meant to be in this life, and find more meaning in the thread you’ve been weaving.
